I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
