nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
