Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
