Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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