And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
