No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
