she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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