he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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