i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize