Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
