OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
