He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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