You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
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Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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