You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I need a burrito and a hug.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
