Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
