im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
