I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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