pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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