We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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