WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
