They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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