Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
