well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
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