Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
