Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Is Oprah even human
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
