He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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