She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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