god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize