I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you had me at cake vodka
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
