and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
