i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dating After Heartbreak
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.