I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.