you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
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Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
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There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?