This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
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dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
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I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex