are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
