You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
