I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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