Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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