I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
