I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
