Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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