Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
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my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
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Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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