Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

you were so drunk you slurred your pauses

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(843): View more from South Carolina

you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks

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(714): View more from California

I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born

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(239): View more from Florida

What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?

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(586): View more from Michigan

LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT

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(845): View more from New York

Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self

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(850): View more from Florida

I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.

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(360): View more from Washington

i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"

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