Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
