If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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