I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
