be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
