i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
