I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
