why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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