my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We named our party play list daddy issues
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
