i just sent this text using only my big toe
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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