life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
