I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
