YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
