What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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