Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize