you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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