Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
