At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
