who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just invented taco cereal.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
