hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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