I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
