sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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