don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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