Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Small penises have feelings too.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
